And YOU, not wanting to suffer the indignity, discomfort, and shame of actually donning such a garment, relegate it to the far reaches of your closet. We all have this area in our closet; the area where no light penetrates, like the event horizon of a black hole - all enter, yet none return. It is behind the winter jacket, past the overalls which are totally going to go back in style soon, beyond the shirt from the t-shirt gun which is 17 sizes to small, but which you refuse to give away; it lies in the farthest expanses. You may not have a walk-in closet, but it's in an area you certainly can't reach, beyond the farthest frontier. Against the wall is your ugly sweater.
You've kept it all these years, because you felt bad that grandma knitted it with love (she actually bought it at Marshals on the clearance rack, check the label, it's made in a country that no longer exists, and may in fact, have never existed).
NOW, its true purpose is revealed.
Details to follow.
You have been warned.